Reflections on Long-Term Relationships
How do you know you're ready for a relationship? Contrary to appearances, it's very simple. If you feel harmony with yourself, if you simply like yourself, that’s the moment. It's the first time you truly feel you don’t need someone else. That’s the mark of readiness. First, you need to bring yourself and your life to a place where there’s no fear, anger, or frustration. If you know how to spend time alone, and you enjoy it, you can believe that someone else out there will enjoy time with you too. If you can stand yourself, someone else will be able to as well. The period between one relationship and the next is the perfect time to focus entirely on yourself and put your life in order. The new relationship will be the real test of whether you've succeeded. A relationship won't fix anything. It only magnifies the gaps. The fewer gaps, the greater the chance of success. That’s why working on yourself and reducing your flaws while enhancing your strengths is so important. It’s easy to be kind, calm, and smiling when you're healthy and financially stable. But both of those can—and should—be taken care of, as they influence your well-being, which in turn greatly affects your relationships. We've all probably wondered why we reacted so harshly toward someone and later realized we could’ve calmly talked things through. That moment of reflection shows where we truly are in life. If you're not satisfied with where you are now, you’ll remain unsatisfied even with someone else. You are the master of your fate, and you shouldn't expect your partner to be a knight in shining armor or a fairy godmother who fixes your life. We are responsible for our own lives and should invite someone new into it only when it is in order. A host feels much more confident welcoming a guest into a clean, tidy home than one ashamed of the surrounding mess. When your life is in order, your choices become more mature: you know who you're looking for, which mix of flaws and strengths suits you, and you're prepared to explore that mix for the long haul. But often, people desire a relationship thinking it will cure all ills. In that case, the choice isn’t mature, but driven by desperation, which ultimately leads to the hell of a breakup and worsens all existing problems. You can take a shortcut and get lost, or you can take the long road and increase the likelihood of finding true love and building a harmonious relationship.
Suggestion: Reflect on your current shortcomings and how you might address them. Evaluate how much they affect your well-being. If you find you’re full of energy and in good spirits, maybe you're ready to enter the dating world.
Helpful scenes: The final scene in “The Vow” (2012) shows that one must first find oneself before opening up to great, deep, and mysterious love. Also, in “The Spectacular Now” (2013), the moment when the protagonist writes an honest college application and sets off to reclaim his love.
In “Perfect Opposites” (2004), there's a line: "That cliché that goes in one ear and out the other is actually true." One of humanity’s most repeated truths is that in order to love someone, you must first love yourself. But without follow-through, this is just an idealistic thought, or at most, a tip in a chaotic world. First and foremost, you have to treat yourself with respect and a sense of humor. In your inner monologue, don’t lash out at yourself, don’t play the tough guy—see yourself as you are, accepting your flaws. More importantly, emphasize your strengths when talking to yourself and reminisce passionately about your successes. When negative thoughts arise, when memories of failures come up, recall the quote from *My Best Friend’s Girl* (2008): "I’m not Superman, I’m just a man" (or for women: "I’m not Superwoman, I’m just a woman"). Sometimes, just pat yourself on the shoulder and smile—tell yourself that it’s going to be okay. Better days are coming. This is how you nurture kindness for the person you spend 24 hours a day with—yourself. And it's a step toward being kind to the person who eventually shows up. You should be the kind of partner to yourself that you'd want your ideal partner to be for you. Flood your daily routine with positive emotions: read memes, jokes, wise quotes, motivational texts. Laugh often. Listen to nature sounds. Keep a diary—or an app—where you log simple positive daily activities like a workout, cleaning your room, watering your plants, or helping a stranger. This constant stream of positivity will improve your spirit, and you’ll stop seeing potential partners as knights on white horses. You’ll see them for who they really are: people with strengths and weaknesses, and life experiences, both good and bad, that you’ll try to accept. To build a meaningful relationship, you must first tidy up your life and invite joy and peace into it. That slow, steady work will pay off when the right person shows up—and you’ll be ready, having prepared long before. And when they do appear, you won’t say, "Welcome, savior of my empty life," but instead, "I’m glad you’re here. I’ll do my best to accept you. Maybe we’ll build something nice. Time will tell. No pressure."
Suggestion: Smile, pat yourself on the shoulder, and say: I’m awesome—silently or out loud, whichever feels right.
Helpful scenes: In the Indian film “Kabir Singh” (2019), the bond between the main character and his best friend is worth noting. That’s the kind of friend we should surround ourselves with and aim to find—someone who’ll always be there, especially during romantic turmoil.When entering a relationship, we must be aware that we’ll be taking care of another person. But first, we need to ask ourselves: can we even take care of ourselves? We must tend to ourselves in at least a few areas—health, sense of humor, stress management, and time management. Only when we’ve mastered these areas to a certain degree can we truly say we’re ready to care for someone else. Otherwise, we’ll simply shift these needs onto the other person and expect them to make up for our deficiencies. Health is one of the most important assets in life—a sine qua non condition for doing anything at all. If something hurts or bothers us, our endurance immediately drops. That’s why physical activity is so important—and it shouldn’t decline when we enter a relationship. On the contrary, we should involve the other person in it; after all, everything’s easier together. Supplementation also becomes essential, especially past a certain age. A sense of humor is another crucial point. We all want to bring joy to someone else, but first we must learn to make ourselves laugh. If we can’t manage our stress, it may spill over onto those closest to us. We’ll end up treating them like punching bags that never hit back. But that’s not their role. We must learn to calm our thoughts—whether through meditation, increased physical activity, or mindless entertainment (if we do physical work), or intellectual engagement (if we work mentally). Finally, there’s the matter of time—hugely important. The other person will expect that we’ll dedicate some of it to them. If we don’t have time before the relationship, we won’t magically conjure it later. That’s why, before entering into anything serious, we must figure out how to carve out more time: what can be done faster, better, more efficiently? We must learn to plan and, more importantly, to execute those plans. Then ask ourselves: how much time can I realistically dedicate to this person—per day or per week? And then look for someone who can match that time frame. Getting your life in order and making space for a new person is a vital step toward building a strong foundation. It’s like laying the groundwork for a brand-new house.
Suggestion: Routine kills the joy of living, but new experiences and challenges awaken new reserves of energy. Be as active as possible: learn new things, visit new places, and keep growing. The richer your life experience, the happier and more worldly you’ll be—and the more interesting and attractive you’ll become.
Helpful scene: In The Lucky One (2012), there’s a beautiful porch scene where Logan tries to explain how he ended up in Beth’s life. We must first understand ourselves—something— so we can later explain something to someone else.
In order to enter a new relationship and truly start with a clean slate, you must first ask yourself if you are genuinely ready to be with another person—fully aware that it won’t be a fairytale or a bed of roses. It will involve continuous effort, compromise, and adapting to entirely new situations and people. You also need to consider what kind of relationship you want: something temporary or something for life? How much time do you want to spend with this person? What kind of contact are you expecting—just in-person meetings, or regular phone calls, texts, or online chats? For now, focus on your own vision of a relationship and your personal needs. Then, find someone who either fits them or is willing to adapt and make adjustments to their own expectations. Furthermore, you must be at peace with yourself. You need to process your previous relationship—understand what worked, what didn’t, what drained you, and what uplifted you—and close that chapter for good. Reflect on whether you carry unresolved trauma from childhood—parental alcoholism, incompatibility, long-term marriages that persisted under the shadow of divorce, infidelity, and so on. Also consider whether your last relationship left scars—cheating, abuse, betrayal. If so, it is crucial to seek professional help. There’s a high risk that you’ll project these unresolved issues onto your new partner. Without proper expertise, authority, or emotional distance, your new partner likely won’t be able to cope with such a heavy emotional load—and even the most promising relationship could collapse.
In order to enter a new relationship and truly start with a clean slate, you must first ask yourself if you are genuinely ready to be with another person—fully aware that it won’t be a fairytale or a bed of roses. It will involve continuous effort, compromise, and adapting to entirely new situations and people. You also need to consider what kind of relationship you want: something temporary or something for life? How much time do you want to spend with this person? What kind of contact are you expecting—just in-person meetings, or regular phone calls, texts, or online chats? For now, focus on your own vision of a relationship and your personal needs. Then, find someone who either fits them or is willing to adapt and make adjustments to their own expectations. Furthermore, you must be at peace with yourself. You need to process your previous relationship—understand what worked, what didn’t, what drained you, and what uplifted you—and close that chapter for good. Reflect on whether you carry unresolved trauma from childhood—parental alcoholism, incompatibility, long-term marriages that persisted under the shadow of divorce, infidelity, and so on. Also consider whether your last relationship left scars—cheating, abuse, betrayal. If so, it is crucial to seek professional help. There’s a high risk that you’ll project these unresolved issues onto your new partner. Without proper expertise, authority, or emotional distance, your new partner likely won’t be able to cope with such a heavy emotional load—and even the most promising relationship could collapse.
Suggestion: First, find harmony within yourself. Then find someone who won’t disrupt that harmony.
Helpful examples: In popular films such as After (2019), After 2 (2021), and every part of Fifty Shades of Grey, we see protagonists struggling with unresolved trauma—which makes it difficult for them to build healthy relationships.
At the beginning of a relationship, we are undoubtedly ourselves—perhaps even the best version of ourselves—hiding our flaws while showing our best sides. But as the relationship continues, compromises are needed. We start adjusting. Fear of the end may creep in, and all of that combined may cause us to lose our true selves—our authenticity. We begin to behave in ways we never imagined we would. Often, we fall into the 'too nice' syndrome. We become overly compliant and stop setting boundaries. The 'too nice' person always has time for their partner because they’re afraid to say no—out of obligation or fear that it might be seen as rejection or disrespect. This kind of person gradually runs out of time for themselves and stops developing. These phenomena are tightly connected. Lack of personal growth leads to a drop in attractiveness. The 'too nice' person senses it and, driven by fear, becomes even more accommodating—leaving even less time and energy for personal development. Ironically, the more they try to please, the faster their attractiveness diminishes. No one wants a partner who always says no, but no one wants someone who agrees to everything either. That kind of person loses time for their hobbies, passions, and friends. The first sign is becoming one-track minded—talking only about the relationship. The next is distancing from their own friends and merging into the partner’s social circle. This creates an informational imbalance: only one person brings in new perspectives and stimuli, while the other absorbs them passively. The 'too nice' person lives by a kind of inner logic: "I’m so kind, so good, so agreeable—I must be the perfect partner." They fail to notice that in this obsessive quest for perfection, they’ve lost their true self. The partner often senses this shift—even subconsciously—and starts testing them, stripping away the masks, to see if there’s still something real beneath. Are you brave enough to be authentic? Or will you agree to anything just to stay together? Usually, the response is to abandon self-respect and give up one’s identity—just to remain in the relationship. But that’s no longer really you. The desired person pulls away. You grow frustrated. And in that overly nice state, you hit a wall, thinking: "I’ve given so much and received so little in return." Eventually, the partner ends the relationship and accuses you—seemingly unfairly—of no longer being the person they first met. The too-nice person, often in tears, responds: "But I’ve sacrificed so much on the altar of this relationship!" Yet here lies the catch: no one asked for that sacrifice. That unhealthy ambition to become the ideal will destroy everything sooner or later. It’s far better to bet on yourself and say: "Take me as I am—or leave. I allow you to do so." Either your mix of flaws and strengths will be accepted, or it won’t. But it should always be shown clearly—not hidden behind countless masks. Show yourself in full color, without shame. Don’t conceal your flaws, because the other person will either accept them or not. The desire to be with someone is important—but it’s even more important to always be yourself, even at the cost of losing the relationship. Assertiveness in relationships is hard and gets harder over time, but it’s worth saying: "This doesn’t suit me—I’m not someone who agrees to everything." Don’t sacrifice your identity for someone else. They don’t want a pretender. They want someone real, authentic, consistent—someone who openly expresses their views and isn’t ashamed of their flaws by pretending to be perfect. Suggestion: Compromise is essential in a relationship, but if a particular agreement feels wrong, don’t accept it under any circumstances. It will become a form of silent coercion rooted in fear, not in a genuine pursuit of harmony. Learn to say "no" to your partner. In fact, you can even keep a shared notebook where both of you list your refusals—noting whether they’re permanent or temporary. Saying "no" doesn’t reject the entire person—only a specific idea that’s either premature or simply not okay. Helpful reference: The entire subplot involving Tank in the film My Best Friend’s Girl (2008) is a great example. The character constantly wears masks, hiding his true self.
At the beginning of a relationship, we are undoubtedly ourselves—perhaps even the best version of ourselves—hiding our flaws while showing our best sides. But as the relationship continues, compromises are needed. We start adjusting. Fear of the end may creep in, and all of that combined may cause us to lose our true selves—our authenticity. We begin to behave in ways we never imagined we would. Often, we fall into the 'too nice' syndrome. We become overly compliant and stop setting boundaries. The 'too nice' person always has time for their partner because they’re afraid to say no—out of obligation or fear that it might be seen as rejection or disrespect. This kind of person gradually runs out of time for themselves and stops developing. These phenomena are tightly connected. Lack of personal growth leads to a drop in attractiveness. The 'too nice' person senses it and, driven by fear, becomes even more accommodating—leaving even less time and energy for personal development. Ironically, the more they try to please, the faster their attractiveness diminishes. No one wants a partner who always says no, but no one wants someone who agrees to everything either. That kind of person loses time for their hobbies, passions, and friends. The first sign is becoming one-track minded—talking only about the relationship. The next is distancing from their own friends and merging into the partner’s social circle. This creates an informational imbalance: only one person brings in new perspectives and stimuli, while the other absorbs them passively. The 'too nice' person lives by a kind of inner logic: "I’m so kind, so good, so agreeable—I must be the perfect partner." They fail to notice that in this obsessive quest for perfection, they’ve lost their true self. The partner often senses this shift—even subconsciously—and starts testing them, stripping away the masks, to see if there’s still something real beneath. Are you brave enough to be authentic? Or will you agree to anything just to stay together? Usually, the response is to abandon self-respect and give up one’s identity—just to remain in the relationship. But that’s no longer really you. The desired person pulls away. You grow frustrated. And in that overly nice state, you hit a wall, thinking: "I’ve given so much and received so little in return." Eventually, the partner ends the relationship and accuses you—seemingly unfairly—of no longer being the person they first met. The too-nice person, often in tears, responds: "But I’ve sacrificed so much on the altar of this relationship!" Yet here lies the catch: no one asked for that sacrifice. That unhealthy ambition to become the ideal will destroy everything sooner or later. It’s far better to bet on yourself and say: "Take me as I am—or leave. I allow you to do so." Either your mix of flaws and strengths will be accepted, or it won’t. But it should always be shown clearly—not hidden behind countless masks. Show yourself in full color, without shame. Don’t conceal your flaws, because the other person will either accept them or not. The desire to be with someone is important—but it’s even more important to always be yourself, even at the cost of losing the relationship. Assertiveness in relationships is hard and gets harder over time, but it’s worth saying: "This doesn’t suit me—I’m not someone who agrees to everything." Don’t sacrifice your identity for someone else. They don’t want a pretender. They want someone real, authentic, consistent—someone who openly expresses their views and isn’t ashamed of their flaws by pretending to be perfect.
Suggestion: Compromise is essential in a relationship, but if a particular agreement feels wrong, don’t accept it under any circumstances. It will become a form of silent coercion rooted in fear, not in a genuine pursuit of harmony. Learn to say "no" to your partner. In fact, you can even keep a shared notebook where both of you list your refusals—noting whether they’re permanent or temporary. Saying "no" doesn’t reject the entire person—only a specific idea that’s either premature or simply not okay.
Helpful reference: The entire subplot involving Tank in the film My Best Friend’s Girl (2008) is a great example. The character constantly wears masks, hiding his true self.
Let’s recall the Grimm brothers’ fairy tale of Cinderella, in which a prince searches for his beloved without caring about her origins. Of course, the glass slipper plays a key role, but if we reduce it to just a prop, we can interpret the story differently. There’s an interesting detail that can be applied to the start of romantic relationships. When the royal servant arrives at Cinderella’s home with the slipper, the stepmother tries desperately to force it onto one of her wicked daughters. But the servant notices a girl standing aside, uninterested in all the commotion, and asks her to try it on. Despite being sooty and unkempt, she catches his attention with her attitude. He doesn’t disregard her—even though her stepmother describes her as ugly and foolish. It’s those who don’t impose themselves on others who often earn genuine interest. If we’re meant to be with someone, it will happen naturally. We shouldn’t be pushy or fight for someone’s attention—it must arise on its own, beyond our control. Trying too hard to convince someone only kills their interest. There’s no better posture when meeting someone than standing tall like a Greek statue and embracing the mindset: take it or leave it. That’s why, during dates, there’s no point worrying about what’s proper or not. Just be yourself from beginning to end, knowing your flaws and strengths, and showing that you accept them. The act of self-censorship—trying to make a good impression—leads straight to a failed date. Instead of relaxing, we try to win someone over. We analyze, as if playing chess, what they might like or dislike, rather than letting them get to know us at their own pace. That worn-out human truism—'just be yourself'—remains completely true. Either someone accepts us as we are, or they don’t—and if they don’t, let them go. Because one thing’s for sure: we will eventually meet someone who loves us for exactly who we are. Suggestion: Sometimes it’s worth taking a risk and, instead of trying to hide our flaws, write them down openly and shed the shame. If someone accepts us with our shortcomings and imperfections, they’re worth investing in. If they’re scared off, that’s okay—maybe someone else won’t be, and might even help heal some of them. Helpful reference: In the film Heartbreaker (L'Arnacoeur, 2010), it’s worth focusing on the scenes where the main character gathers intel to charm women—hiding his true self… until he no longer does.
Let’s recall the Grimm brothers’ fairy tale of Cinderella, in which a prince searches for his beloved without caring about her origins. Of course, the glass slipper plays a key role, but if we reduce it to just a prop, we can interpret the story differently. There’s an interesting detail that can be applied to the start of romantic relationships. When the royal servant arrives at Cinderella’s home with the slipper, the stepmother tries desperately to force it onto one of her wicked daughters. But the servant notices a girl standing aside, uninterested in all the commotion, and asks her to try it on. Despite being sooty and unkempt, she catches his attention with her attitude. He doesn’t disregard her—even though her stepmother describes her as ugly and foolish. It’s those who don’t impose themselves on others who often earn genuine interest. If we’re meant to be with someone, it will happen naturally. We shouldn’t be pushy or fight for someone’s attention—it must arise on its own, beyond our control. Trying too hard to convince someone only kills their interest. There’s no better posture when meeting someone than standing tall like a Greek statue and embracing the mindset: take it or leave it. That’s why, during dates, there’s no point worrying about what’s proper or not. Just be yourself from beginning to end, knowing your flaws and strengths, and showing that you accept them. The act of self-censorship—trying to make a good impression—leads straight to a failed date. Instead of relaxing, we try to win someone over. We analyze, as if playing chess, what they might like or dislike, rather than letting them get to know us at their own pace. That worn-out human truism—'just be yourself'—remains completely true. Either someone accepts us as we are, or they don’t—and if they don’t, let them go. Because one thing’s for sure: we will eventually meet someone who loves us for exactly who we are.
Suggestion: Sometimes it’s worth taking a risk and, instead of trying to hide our flaws, write them down openly and shed the shame. If someone accepts us with our shortcomings and imperfections, they’re worth investing in. If they’re scared off, that’s okay—maybe someone else won’t be, and might even help heal some of them.
Helpful reference: In the film Heartbreaker (L'Arnacoeur, 2010), it’s worth focusing on the scenes where the main character gathers intel to charm women—hiding his true self… until he no longer does.
Each of us should see ourselves as pure gold—and think of ourselves that way. Focus on your strengths, improve your weaknesses as much as you can, and ultimately accept the flaws you can’t erase. It’s good to strive for perfection, but let’s be honest—perfection is boring. Even gold isn’t to everyone’s taste, and sometimes it takes patience to wait for the right connoisseur who will appreciate us as we are—loving us beyond reason. No one can think of us as well or as poorly as we think of ourselves. Building a healthy sense of self-admiration—seeing yourself as pure gold that occasionally just needs a little polishing—is the path to happiness. Otherwise, we end up seeking not just acceptance from others but validation that fills our emotional gaps. But it’s not another person’s job to give us value—it’s their role to respect us. Otherwise, we’ll treat them not as a partner but as a life raft helping us stay afloat. This mindset can easily turn into dependence—and eventually toxicity. We may become too easy to manipulate, failing to set boundaries. Or we might end up with someone who senses that power over us—and abuses it. Suggestion: To reach inner harmony, take care of your peace of mind. Stop overthinking, meditate, walk through the park soaking in nature without judging or analyzing. Surround yourself with positive people, learn jokes and tell them to others. Scroll through memes, and above all, become a person of action, not just words. Anyone can say anything—but few can turn intentions into deeds. And it feels good to be part of that elite group, looking proudly at the results of your own efforts. Helpful scene: In the kitchen scene from the film Perfect Opposites (2004), the neighbor tells Julia that no one appreciates what comes too easily—and that you must respect yourself. This scene is definitely worth noting.
Each of us should see ourselves as pure gold—and think of ourselves that way. Focus on your strengths, improve your weaknesses as much as you can, and ultimately accept the flaws you can’t erase. It’s good to strive for perfection, but let’s be honest—perfection is boring. Even gold isn’t to everyone’s taste, and sometimes it takes patience to wait for the right connoisseur who will appreciate us as we are—loving us beyond reason. No one can think of us as well or as poorly as we think of ourselves. Building a healthy sense of self-admiration—seeing yourself as pure gold that occasionally just needs a little polishing—is the path to happiness. Otherwise, we end up seeking not just acceptance from others but validation that fills our emotional gaps. But it’s not another person’s job to give us value—it’s their role to respect us. Otherwise, we’ll treat them not as a partner but as a life raft helping us stay afloat. This mindset can easily turn into dependence—and eventually toxicity. We may become too easy to manipulate, failing to set boundaries. Or we might end up with someone who senses that power over us—and abuses it.
Suggestion: To reach inner harmony, take care of your peace of mind. Stop overthinking, meditate, walk through the park soaking in nature without judging or analyzing. Surround yourself with positive people, learn jokes and tell them to others. Scroll through memes, and above all, become a person of action, not just words. Anyone can say anything—but few can turn intentions into deeds. And it feels good to be part of that elite group, looking proudly at the results of your own efforts.
Helpful scene: In the kitchen scene from the film Perfect Opposites (2004), the neighbor tells Julia that no one appreciates what comes too easily—and that you must respect yourself. This scene is definitely worth noting.
We tend to behave worst toward the people closest to us—because we know they’ll endure it. Logically, this seems nonsensical. But from life experience, it’s brutally true. Especially when we realize that no one can push our buttons like someone close to us. They know—often subconsciously—exactly how to throw us off balance. But whether we lose our temper or not is up to us. Whether we show someone respect is also entirely our choice. Paradoxically, it’s easier to show respect to strangers—because we don’t know their reactions, we’re unsure how they’ll behave, or what might happen. We tread carefully. With loved ones, however, we often act arrogantly, as if we know everything, allowing ourselves far too much. If we acted toward strangers the way we sometimes do toward our family or partners, the consequences could be disastrous. Imagine yelling at your boss because they irritated you—chances are, you’d be fired in five seconds. But if the same thing happens with your partner or family member, odds are high they’ll put up with it. Still, it’s not fair to them. When it comes to close relationships, respect alone isn’t enough. We should treat those people with pietism—with the highest regard we’re capable of. If we respect strangers, we should respect loved ones ten times more. If we care about a boss’s opinion, we should care ten times more about a partner’s. The more someone close irritates us, the more kindness and understanding we should show them. Even during arguments, we should remember that they are the people who share our daily lives, who’ve contributed to our journey and whom we owe much to. Be grateful that there’s always someone you can talk to—someone who shares your memories and your present, and who can look into the future with you. Keep that spectrum in mind. If you don’t, you might one day mourn at someone’s grave, regretting the time wasted on fighting instead of cherishing them. In the case of ex-partners, maybe they left because your level of pietism was too low—or nonexistent. That doesn’t mean we have to be saints—we’re human. But we should always follow our moral compass. Otherwise, we’ll end up abandoned and alone.
We tend to behave worst toward the people closest to us—because we know they’ll endure it. Logically, this seems nonsensical. But from life experience, it’s brutally true. Especially when we realize that no one can push our buttons like someone close to us. They know—often subconsciously—exactly how to throw us off balance. But whether we lose our temper or not is up to us. Whether we show someone respect is also entirely our choice. Paradoxically, it’s easier to show respect to strangers—because we don’t know their reactions, we’re unsure how they’ll behave, or what might happen. We tread carefully. With loved ones, however, we often act arrogantly, as if we know everything, allowing ourselves far too much. If we acted toward strangers the way we sometimes do toward our family or partners, the consequences could be disastrous. Imagine yelling at your boss because they irritated you—chances are, you’d be fired in five seconds. But if the same thing happens with your partner or family member, odds are high they’ll put up with it. Still, it’s not fair to them. When it comes to close relationships, respect alone isn’t enough. We should treat those people with pietism—with the highest regard we’re capable of. If we respect strangers, we should respect loved ones ten times more. If we care about a boss’s opinion, we should care ten times more about a partner’s. The more someone close irritates us, the more kindness and understanding we should show them. Even during arguments, we should remember that they are the people who share our daily lives, who’ve contributed to our journey and whom we owe much to. Be grateful that there’s always someone you can talk to—someone who shares your memories and your present, and who can look into the future with you. Keep that spectrum in mind. If you don’t, you might one day mourn at someone’s grave, regretting the time wasted on fighting instead of cherishing them. In the case of ex-partners, maybe they left because your level of pietism was too low—or nonexistent. That doesn’t mean we have to be saints—we’re human. But we should always follow our moral compass. Otherwise, we’ll end up abandoned and alone.
Suggestion 1: If you're arguing with a loved one, recall a fond memory during the conflict—give yourself a mental breather.
Suggestion 2: The more upset you are, the more you should use soft language that doesn’t reflect your irritation. Try affectionate forms like “dear mom,” “dear dad,” or “my love.” Use the person’s name with a gentle diminutive. It’s easy to speak kindly when things go our way—but true mastery is doing it when they don’t.
Helpful scenes: Every scene between John and his father in the film Dear John (2010) reinforces this message. The hospital farewell and the moment that follows are masterpieces.